Living with Doubt

 

 

I describe the baby decision as a continnum.  At one end, there are people who are definately 100% sure that they want children at one end and  at the other end, there are those who are definately 100% sure that they do not want children.   It can be very hard to imagine that someone might be having difficulty or is feeling unsure about whether to have kids or not.

 

Some of my clients describe the bewilerment of their friends and family who can't imagine that they really can't decide or that they are ambivalent about what to do.   They report to me that they feel strange and odd for not knowing what they want.

 

However,  I believe that many more people are in the middle of the continnum than are sure of their decision.  I think it is more normal for woment to feel unsure or ambivalent about having children than to be sure.

 

In fact, there is a psychological phenomena called 'Maternal Ambivalence'.  This can often strike women who have happyily decided that they do want children but then, find themselves ambivalent about being mothers when they give birth.

 

I think one of the issues is that people often feel like they should know for certain - have 100% certainty on their decision.  And yet, how many of us make any decision with that 100% certainty?

 

Rather, I think it's more important for people to have a sense of it being ok to have a certain amount of doubt.  What percentage of doubt coud you live with? Where is the 'tipping point' for you where you feel you could jump and make the decision by trusting that you can manage the percentage of you that feels doubt or unsure?

 

 

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