Feb 2011 - Love and Polarity

Today is Valentine's Day and I've been reflecting on the polarity of

independence vs connection. When we are single, we can enjoy in

our freedom and independence and yet long to have more intimacy

 and connection. When we are in long term relationships, we can

 feel a yearning for more independence, more freedom.

 In polarity work, we say that we need to have the ability to integrate

 and flow between both poles in a polarity. What I find happens when exploring love,

relationships, being single is that this polarity and places where we

get stuck or trapped are really highlighted.


So when I was single, I loved my freedom but I longed for a

relationship. I think if I had done more of this inner work to

explore how I could integrate the two poles of independence AND

connection I would have saved myself a great deal of stress and worry

(hindsight is a wonderful thing!) similarly, in a long term

relationship, while I feel anchored in the pole of connection, I can

find myself chafing, yearning for more of the pole of freedom.

This Valentine's Day provides us all with a great opportunity to

explore this polarity. A way to do this is to explore each pole - so

take a piece of paper and write all the things that are good about

independence, what works for you here. Then write down all the things

that don't work so well here - what doesn't serve you. Then do the

same with connection. Once you have done that, see if you can find a

metaphor or a landscape that represents each pole in the polarity.

Then, ask yourself, what would it be like if I stood in the pole of

connection AND was able to pull in the best bits from independence.

And visa versa.


If you want to find out more about polarities and how to work with

them, an article that I wrote with a colleague 'Polarities in

Executive Coaching' has just been published in the Journal for

Management Development - you can go

to this link to find out more about it!!




Or you can come to one of my upcoming retreats/workshops. In May, I

will be running a weekend retreat in May called 'Yearning for Wholeness' as

part of the Claridge House Quaker Retreat centre programme. To find

out more, go to http://www.creatingfrompolarity.com/workshops. I

would love to see you there!


Instead of a poem this month, I'm leaving you with this list of other

ideas for different things you can do Valentines Day (whether you are

in a relationship or single),




Enjoy the day and looking forward to seeing or hearing from you all soon!


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